Dear Diary Blog,
I read vampire diaries. Complete waste of time! But Elena’s journal entries brought up memories of my own. No, not vampires. Secret diaries. Yes I had them. Not too sure where they are now. Just hope no one got their hands on them cos I don’t have no vampire to rescue me and my diary.
Anyhoo, dear blog, if I had a diary this would be the entry for the day.
♥ ♥ ♥
I want a lot of things in life. No, let me rephrase that. I wanted a lot of things. Then I didn’t want them. Only to realize I might want some of it. Or maybe not. I wanted new things, things I didn’t know I wanted or ever would. Confused? Me too.
Let’s try again.
I wanted to study abroad, live on my own and graduate at 21.(Done, Done & Done).
Then I wanted to have the kinda lifestyle of this woman. And do the kinda things that she does. You know, like give away amazing things to people I barely know.
I wanted to be here.
Then I decided I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be here instead.
It didn’t take a lot of time to realize I didn’t want to ‘be’ here after all.
What I really wanted was this.
No, not be a nun or live in the forest. Just be at peace, have mental clarity and to be in solitude.
As contradicting as it may be, I then wanted to drive on dirt roads with country music playing on the stereo.
Maybe even do this on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Oh, wait. I’ve already done that.
I wanted to make money. Lots of it. Then I decided I didn’t want to make lots of money. Only after a few months of deciding that, I felt like I do want to make money after all. Maybe not lots of it. Enough to have a comfortable, simple yet luxury life. (Do I sound crazy yet, dear blog?)
So, as you may (or may not) understand, while I know what I want right now, I do not know what I really want over the long haul. For a type A personality like me, this is not fun. I like plans. I like to have a vision. A clear one please. I’ve had one all my life. With big plans and action plans that were clear and precise. To lose interest in that and to have that vision blurred does no good. As one of my friends prescribed off of Wikipedia couple of years ago, I like to call this paranoia Quarter Life Crisis.
However, on the contrary to all that is mentioned above, I feel fine. I feel collected, happy and in solitude. Most of the time. How, you may ask, dear blog?
I have a secret that is more awesome than any vampire, wizard or witch had to offer in the fantasy novels and the movies. What you may ask, dear blog?
That’s a secret I’d never tell.
xoxo
Ps: No I’m not out of my mind (yet). And no I haven’t been watching any gossip girl or twilight, harry potter, or charmed. Yes, I’m bored. Easter break is longer than I thought. :)
